After contemplating on it for a few hours, I would have to say that the 2 most beneficial exercises for me were "Meeting Aesclepius" and "Subtle Mind". This is largely because I have spent so many years with low self esteem, and these taught me how to begin to accept myself. I spent my childhood being rather traumatized, and my mental and emotional stability took a huge blow because of it. I remember how horrible of a man my biological father was. (We won't go into that. Let's just say he was an incredibly mentally sick man.) I remember the beating that I endured during my mother's 2nd marriage. (Fortunately, he is long gone.) I also remember the loss of my mother's last marriage. (He was very dear to me, and the only one worthy of being called Daddy. He passed away in 2006 after being married to my mother for 15 years. He was an outstanding man.) I also remember being constantly picked on in school. These exercises have finally given me the chance to let go of everything up to this point, and to accept myself for who I am. i made the choice to become a good man. This course was the best spiritual, emotional, and mental decision that I have ever made.

For this week, the journal meditation exercise was "Meeting Aesclepius". I must say that this one really had a profound effect on me. I lit some white sage just before beginning, because my chosen person was none other than my greatest mentor, Grandmother Morning Star. The rushed flow of water from a waterfall described in this exercise remind me of all the troubles, worries, stress, and doubt in my life. It is also representative of my biggest issue ever--misplaced anger. Yes, it took me awhile to admit. I was a generally depressed and angry person for the majority of my life. Grandmother (as we call our Native American female elders) had taught me better than this! once again, though, I could hear her final words echoing in me from the spirit realm. "Storm Crow, anger never gets you anywhere, boy! Neither does doubt! Stop trying to make me and everyone else proud! We already are. Easy, kiddo. You're going to be fine. Take care of Grey Coyote, and listen to him (She was referring to my friend, Mike). Keep on the path. You're almost there. We'll be at the sacred fire in the end, I promise. Hang in there." That's when it hit me. While she had been the calming river for so long, I had to reach the calm and peaceful ocean on my own now. How was I to accomplish this? I pondered a bit longer. Quite often my anger is caused by nothing more than a lack of patience. Trivial matters often bring hasty results if one is not careful. She wanted me to let go of all the anger and fear, and so I shall. The calmness of that ocean is drawing closer. The saying, "One cannot lead where one has not gone himself." (p 477) pretty much means exactly why Grandmother is so important. She's been there and done that. She had always spoken from personal experience. She will be missed and her legacy will live on through my colleagues and I.

This week, we learned about the Loving Kindness meditation technique. It centers around the concept of love and tenderness towards others. In a way, I feel that it resembles the concept behind Christianity's ''Golden Rule''. In other words, you get out of life entirely what you put into it. If you treat others with love and tenderness, you usually get it in turn. We did an assessment on ourselves to identify the source of any suffering that we may have. I suffer greatly in the psychospiritual realm because I think that I doubt myself far more than I really should at times. I'm slowly getting better at this, but I need to work particularly on my self-esteem. It has almost crippled me for most of my life, and I need to change my outlook for the better. I also need to work more on my interpersonal skills because I need to work on my patience, my tolerance of others, and my temper. in time, I can see myself being far better towards others.